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Behind the Christmas Parodies!

December 19, 2019

"For fuck's sake, why do you do these things Karla?" - is the question that me gets quite often when it comes to creating all this parody content. Especially when it comes to Christmas.

There is never ONE single reason behind why a highly educated woman in her mid thirties sings about sucking cocks and licking pussies and publishes a study on the best technique on how to clean your ass (washing wins over anything else).

 

But here are a few, as unapologetic and as brutally honest as yours truly:

 

1. I can't take myself too seriously, nor I want to. Like everyone else, I was born without a stick up my ass, none of all the shit that came around along the way made that stick enter my ass, and I'd like to keep my ass stick-free. Not only because you need a free ass if you're into anal, but mostly because: as long as that prejudice stick is up your butthole, the shit that you carry inside of you will never leave you. 

And we are all full of shit. Boy are we all full of shit. Being constipated at any level is no good for your organism, word of a true research scientist here (you can google me if you don't trust this and kiss my patent application too). So I kindly recommend you to do a self-check of your own stick from time to time. It may be larger and deeper than you think!

 

 

2. Christmas time makes people miserable. ALL those MILLIONS of people whose life doesn't comply to the polished up bullshit seen in Hollywood movies and Coca Cola ads. Whoever fails to identify with it is shoved the Holy Shitmas down their throat for weeks, regardless of their religious beliefs or a lack thereof. Nothing ever fucks one up as a constant challenge to measure yourself against some unattainable standard.

Christmas time is that photoshopped cover girl that every teenager dreams to be - an unrealistic, unattainable - and most importantly - SOMEONE ELSE'S dream that makes your own, authentic nitty-gritty bullshit somehow flawed and invalid. 

 

If you don't feel like celebrating Christmas, just remind yourself that Jesus himself wouldn't celebrate it either. Because he was a Jew.

 

 

3. Sex ain't anything dirty or bad, nor are the organs that provide you the greatest pleasure any less worthy than your liver, your kidneys, your heart or your brain! Yet nevertheless, they are still some sort of a taboo, thanks to a couple of millennia of various forms of social and religious brainwashing and guilt-tripping.

 

Laughter is the best medicine to lessen the discomfort. Sdramatizzare, sdramatizzare come direbbero gli amicici italiani (learn Italian my darlings, it is not anyhow less worthy than English and knowing a language can only enrich you!) So laugh away at them dancing pussies and jumping nutsacs!

 

 

 

 

4. There are no such things as swear words - and boy do I ENJOY reminding the planet of this! Words are just that - words - all the rest - "swear words", "bad words", "potty mouth" is your own judgement and prejudices you attribute to whatever concepts they may be used to convey. (go back to the nr. 1 on this list and double check your stick status now).

It is THE INTENTION BEHIND THE WORD that counts. Black is a color or a race or an offence, depending on how you view people who are gifted with that amazing amount of melanin in their skin. The word itself is the same, the intention behind it varies greatly.

In some cultures - ie. the Balkans - referring to someone as an asshole can either be the expression of utmost affection towards your best buddy you haven't seen for two days, or it can be an offence. Much like calling your besties "your bitches" - how is then "a bitch" an offence, bitch?

 

I am inherently allergic to the politically correct speech, because it avoids the issues rather than confronting them. It gives you an excuse to hide behind the accepted terminology, rather than confronting the discomfort of those other words and all the hatred and discrimination they carry behind them. Calling certain American citizens "African American" while all the white asses get simply referred to as "American" is the worst kind of polished up racism that we get away with daily. Think about it.

 

 

 

5. I just fucking love being silly. That's all. Having a serious analytical scientific brain always on the run like mine is tiring. Being the greatest nerd in the school is tiring. Being fluent in five languages and resqueezing the sixth one in is also tiring. So I really enjoy singing about cocks and cunts and nutsacs and shit. And death, and miscarriage and war and insanity. And cancer and neuroscience and depression.

Which is why you'll always find all sorts of bullshit on my page. 

 

 

 

 

PS. You don't need a master degree and half a PhD or a blasting career in research science to do this. You don't need any certificate or permission to be silly and weird. 

 

 

 

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